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I Loved You Yesterday...
But Yesterday’s Gone...(That’s from an old Chad and Jeremy song, for those of you too young to know.)
Recently, I received the age-old message, "I still love you, but...I need some time to sort this all out." Right. That’s a message used almost as much as, "I still want to be friends." Or so they tell me.
How does one respond to such a message? I didn’t say much the evening of the big let down. I went to work as usual the next day, the same ol’ Ms. Merry Sunshine as usual. But as I drove off to lunch with the Oldies station on, Leslie Gore (I think?) sang, "I want to thank you for giving me the most wonderful summer…..of my life." Tears flooded my eyes, and I had to pull off the road, lest I wreck my car!
Dr. Jim at the ChristianCafé.com gives two suggestions for the "I just want to be friends" message. I think they apply for the, "I still love you, but.." message too. He suggests that if yours has been a relationship of true communication, one might try discovering exactly what that message means. Good idea.
"I love you, but...I need some time..." could mean exactly that. But, it could certainly just as well be a way for someone to walk away trying to inflict as little pain as possible. Dr. Jim suggests that as painful as it might be, that if the message appears to be one of the party wanting an easy way out, that we should just honor the request and walk away. His message is similar for the person truly just needing some time. Honor the request.
Boy, these things are easier said than done, don’t you think? When one has spent hours one the phone and writing to someone special, it’s hard not to want to rush home after work and talk with them about your day. When one has spent two or three evenings a week with that special someone, not seeing them is painful.
For me, these messages are enough to put me on a see-saw. Sitting at the top, I remember how well we communicated, how much we shared of our past and our future plans and dreams. Sitting at the top of the see-saw, I’m confident that what we’ve shared has certainly been blessed by God and is not surely ready to end.
But, sitting on the low end of the see-saw gives me a different perspective. My confidence disappears and I’m just as certain that what we’ve shared has meant something only to me and not to him. I’m convinced that the message given was just an easy way for him to let me down, and I seethe at how unfair that is! Don’t most of us prefer a complete and painful break all at once, rather than having our hearts torn and healed and torn again as the see-saw goes up and down and our confidence levels and feelings following that same pattern?
What did I do? I made him talk with me, so that he was just as uncomfortable as I was. He still claims this is a temporary time of getting closer to God, and that he’ll share what he’s discovered when he’s through praying, studying and meditating.
Perhaps it is so. But, should he come back, will he truly think that all will be just as it was before he uttered such a statement and went off to be alone? Or will he understand that he’s played a part in hardening my heart once more.
The song reverberates in my head....."I loved you yesterday...and yesterday's gone...."
Postscript many months later....
I finally got smart and asked the dude if he were seeing someone else. The answer - surprise! He was. I wonder if he will ever understand that riding a see-saw of emotions and feelings is far worse than a quick break-up could have ever been. I wonder if he even cares......
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