Green
by
Mary -BrytEyz- Ball
(Age: 38)
copyright 06-01-2001 Contest Winner
Age Rating: 4 to 127
Oh! I'm not afraid when iniquity's staring.
I fight for what's right, I'm intrepidly daring.
I battle her now with every bit of my might,
But the victor's not always the one that is right.
Man! She's got you now, tho she's cold and uncaring.
She's holding you tight in the bed that you're sharing.
She wraps you all up in her world, dark as the night,
And she keeps you hidden from the warmth of the light.
Green is the envy
heard in my cries,
Green is the color
of your faded eyes,
Green is the seaweed
floating around,
Green is the grass
that covers you now.
I have searched about, there's no answers to be found.
You can't win the war when you're fighting the ground.
If bouting's my fate then I guess I'll cheat,
Cuz it's not that far when you're traveling six feet.
"If you can't beat them then join them," I've heard it said,
So go the echoes racing around in my head.
I take one more step to bring you closer to me;
Yes, just one more step so I can drown in the sea.
Green is the envy
heard in my cries,
Green is the color
of your faded eyes,
Green is the seaweed
floating around,
Green is the grass
that covers you now.
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How eerie! At first, the title made no sense to me until I read the chorus. It's extremely fitting, and a great piece! I liked how you had the initial poem that told a great story, and the chorus that reflected the story being told and linking together the title to the poem and hints to what's next to come. Although I don't know what the contest this won was about, it's high enough quality I can easily believe you blew the other composition away! I really liked your choice of words too, but you're probably familiar with how I ramble on about loving poems that tell stories! I imagine it's kinda odd to have me commenting on this, since you can look back on comments six years older than my own...is it just me and a completely irrational feeling of being old now that I'm turning thirteen and I've been on PnP for three years this summer, that looking back on old works makes me feel old, by any chance do you get that too...? Anyway, great work and keep writing!
I had forgotten that I had read this already. I think I liked it even better this time around though. I still think it's intense! Strong emotions, it's a sad love song.
-hauntingly and beautifully sad, if you know what I mean. I have been in that situation.
Your poem took me back there and I cried again.
But like you, though sometimes I think of suicide, my inner being would never -could never do it.
Anthony, I've read all the poems you mentioned here. And I agree, I don't think God takes our loved ones from us. But that's another lesson for another day, eh? :-)
SamiJo, death never seems fair... and always leaves us with a sense of loss. How grateful I am that God's promised we will see our dead loved ones again in the great resurrection. What a wonderful day that will be! Eh? Who have you lost in death? I'd love to read about it. Let me know if you write something about it.
Beverly, any time! I'm always happy to expound. Glad it helped you understand it better.
I remember in English class the few times there was an "author commentary" on a poem... it always drove it home so much deeper and explained things I would have otherwise missed. It also helped me to eagerly seek the "hidden" meanings of other poems when I read them, knowing there was a story behind the words SOMEWHERE... if I only looked hard enough.
There was so much thought behind my writing this poem, I thought I'd share it and not let the mystery go un-revealed. :-)
Thanks again, everyone, for reading this... and better yet, for your comments!!!
I totally agree with David. I really liked the poem, but after reading your explanation, I understood it that much better, therefore, I liked it better the second time around. It's a very intense poem with an extreme amount of feeling in it. Luv ya! ;)
This is sad and I am sorry for your loss.I wrote my poem,"And I Think You Did Too" about that same feeling of loss, but I did not have the anger that you showed here. As in my poem,"A-Men" where it says,"it's God who gives and God who takes" this is the taking that I referred to. When God takes someone we love away. That is only one way to look at it. Maybe we should just believe that our loved one was promoted upstairs! Anyway this is a very good poem and thank you for sharing it with me and everyone else!, Anthony
Thank you for the explanation Mary. I really appreciated it. It also created a deeper understanding of the poem and appreciation for it. Very dark, love it!
Thanks all for reading. Beverly, iniquity is first defined as a great injustice or extreme immorality, and second as a grossly immoral act. Here I used it to mean that it was totally unfair that my friend had to die, that he was taken away from me. Have you ever felt like standing on a cliff and shouting out with all you had after a death of a loved one..> IT'S NOT FAIR!!! (Thus, the great injustice that we feel like fighting, and we are not afraid when iniquity stares us in the face.).
Intrepid: fearless and persistent in the pursuit of something. Here, I'm furthering the image mentioned above. Only, instead of yelling at a cliff's edge, I was kneeling by the grave, yelling/crying and beating the ground with my fists. (A tantrum if you will) Of course, you know that I'd have to come back to reality and just crumble in a heap of sobs and tears when I realize that it wasn't going to do any good just sitting there crying and pounding the ground with all my might. So... *sigh*... the ground won that battle. She still held tight my love, she cloaked him in his grave. She smugly smiled back at me and taunted... "you can't have him, you can't have him."
"If bouting's my fate then I guess I'll cheat,
Cuz it's not that far when you're traveling six feet." What this means is... If I was meant to stay alive and fight my way thru life, if I was supposed to go on living and fighting for happiness; well, I'm going to cheat. I don't want to live. I want to die. I want to be with my love however I can be. If I am in a grave, I'll be six feet under as well. So, the words say, "It's not that far when you're traveling six feet."
I walk to the water's edge and slowly, step by step, head to where it will cover my body. I walk to where it will fill my nostrils and I'll gladly give the sea my last breath. I'll walk till I can walk no more. I'll breathe deeply the death that awaits me. I'll welcome the only door I see that leads me my dead loved one.
Well, I hope that explained it some. :) Thanks again all for reading! I so so so appreciate it. Have wonderful days, and don't worry. I won't commit suicide. :) I love life too much!
I agree with the others, this is a dark poem and emotional. I have a couple questions....what does iniquity's mean? And what does intrepidly mean? My dictonary is at work....sorry. I've just never encountered those words before. I am assuming from the poem its to do with envy. Thanks!
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