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Having passed the "milestone" of age 40 a few years back, I'm just coming to fully appreciate what is meant by the phrase, "Life Begins at Forty." It probably means a dozen different things to a dozen different people. I can only speak for this lady of 42.
Finally, I know who I am. I know what I believe in, and what my values and priorities are. I've outgrown the years of following the values of my parents (or rebelling against them), then following my friends (or my spouse(s)-I had two!) - and finally got to the point of trusting me. I know who I'm voting for, who I respect, who I pray to, and I don't need to debate it with anyone. I also don't feel the need to push it on anyone. I'm confident in my own knowledge; I trust my own opinions. I'm at this marvelous age when I don't have to prove anything to anyone ~ heck, not even myself!
I can take a stand, and feel comfortable going against the majority. My own opinion is enough for me; I don't need to know I have an army of "supporters" to back me up in my beliefs. Or, if I choose, I can keep my mouth silent. Sometimes, it just isn't worth the disagreement. It's enough to know that I know. I can walk away from an arguement. I used to think I had to attend every arguement I was invited to....oh no, not anymore.
I'm comfortable in my own skin - albeit with a few lines, I admit I'm rather proud of those lines. For years, I fought looking too young. (Silly to say that now, but when you're 22 and trying to run a business, you want to look 30!) Now, I like that I look close to my age. The lines are few, but well-earned. Years of laughter, years of tears ~ years of parenting children and wondering when they'll be home. Nights of lost sleep when they were ill - or lost sleep assembling Christmas presents and creating Easter baskets! (Ok, I admit, perhaps a few sleepless nights partying a few years back...!!) I wouldn't trade a single line for a single memory.
I finally have an idea of what I can do...and what I can't do. And I'm still young enough to be able to enjoy it! I know what I like, and, through (ugh) years of trial and error, I certainly know what I don't like. And now, I don't make myself sit through any more of what I don't like than I absolutely can not avoid. I don't allow myself to be controlled by others, peer pressure or guilt trips; I make my own choices.
I choose who is a part of my life. I surround myself with people whom I care about, and who care about me. I don't need to be around critical, controlling people - I had 14 years of marriage, and enough of that. I try to maintain a positive attitude about life, and choose people who have a similar outlook. I don't choose to listen to whining and complaining; I don't choose to be a victim, nor surround myself with people who choose to be victims. I've overcome a lot - and I'll reach out a helping hand to anyone who wants help out of a bad situation. But if only want to whine about their woes, I won't be listening for long.
When I was younger, what "other people think" preoccupied much of my thoughts...whether consciously or subconsciously. (I came to see it once I was free of it!) Now, it's a different ballgame! Not only do I realize that I'm not so important that people are so busy thinking about me, but I've come to realize that no one else's opinion should I value above my own.
Things that used to seem so difficult - for fear of "what other people would think" - aren't such a big deal anymore. Public speaking is not a biggie; heck, I may even try karaoke one of these days! (My kids would climb under the table and hide...I'll just tell them to think back on it when they are 40, and they'll laugh!) I wear what I feel comfortable wearing; not what I make sure is currently in style. I don't have the body I had at 20, but I still go to the beach and wear a bathing suit.
I never was very good at keeping up with the Joneses. Now, I don't even have a clue what they are up to, let alone bothering myself with keeping up with them. Jealousy is basically a waste of time and energy. It pulls me down. I choose to dwell on what is good and positive in my life, rather than what is missing. So if I catch myself thinking, "Oh, I wish I had what so-and-so has" - I think it through. Well, do I want the whole picture? Along with that [whatever] I want, comes that job, that husband, those kids and that ulcer...hmmm...nah, thanks but no thanks.
There's such a freedom to being 40. I was talking to my dear (40-something) girlfriend about it recently, and she said to me, "Can you imagine how cool it must be to be 50???" (Hmmm...I'll have to get back to you on that one in a few years...)
~Come visit me at www.HopeAndInspiration.com~
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