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I think about the things I've done
and many things I haven't
I wonder where the time has gone
and where it is I spent it
At times I've time to stop and think
and that's when I think of life
I remember times of anguish
times of pain and bitter strife
Sometimes I think about my life
and how I sank so low
I wonder what's eluded me
or what I forgot to know
As the darkness drowned my senses
and the night came creeping in
The taunting chants of drunkenness
eventually began to win
I wish I may, I wish I might
never wish what I wished those nights
I begged and pleaded to end my life
and other things that just weren't right
I think about the things I've done
and many things I haven't
I wonder where the time has gone
and where it is I spent it
There were many times I gave up
way too drunk to even care
But when I did I cared to quit
and end it right then and there
Often times how I thought that road
the only one to follow
We can't chase after any dreams
when hearts are empty and hollow
So many times I tried to die
to hide the eye that weeps
Sinking deeper every day
plunging myself in the streets
I felt like demons took control
and misplaced my very soul
Or that something of mine was missing
and without it, I wasn't whole
I think about the things I've done
and many things I haven't
I wonder where the time has gone
and where it is I spent it
One day I looked up from my pit
of despair and anguish and pain
and wished to be atop the world
and join the rest of it again
It wasn't like I was suddenly purged
or thrown from the life I'd been living
It wasn't a gift handed to me
or something some genie was giving
It was work and I had to try
to climb out of the darkness that grew
I shielded my eyes from the light
tried to forget the life I knew
I remember fighting for things
and at times I gave it up
Not the hopeless pursuit of "THINGS"
but the drowning in my cup
I think about the things I've done
and many things I haven't
I wonder where the time has gone
and where it is I spent it
Now purged of the curse that hurt me
I can see things as they are
Not tainted by it's delusions
for I view it from afar
And when I'm down and tired
and I think it's just not worth it
I remember what I am now
my past is my deterrent
Although at times I somehow wish
I could've straightened up much sooner
To become something I've always wanted
A friend, a father, a crooner
Wouldn't it be neat to have a job
a wife, a child, a degree from school?
Wouldn't it be great to be farther in life
Oh, wouldn't that be cool?
I think about the things I've done
and many things I haven't
I wonder where the time has gone
and where it is I spent it
I can't help but think how life would be
if I hadn't drank or smoked that crack
Can I go back in time somehow
and take what never was right back?
I wonder what life would be like
I wonder what life I'd live today
I wonder if it'd be any better
just like all the people say
Aren't my friendships any better
they don't spoil, rot or worsen
Because my whole life has changed
and I'm a better person
All the hell I've lived and gone through
is part of the man I am
It's all a bit of the equation
that's sometimes hard to understand
I think about the things I've done
and many things I haven't
I wonder where the time has gone
and where it is I spent it
But, no matter where it's gone
you just can't wish it back
It won't make up for what you lost
or any of the things you lack
Instead I focus on here and now
and on who I am today
I look for chances to improve
or become better in any way
I'm compassionate and loving too
Patient like never before
I am who I am and live like I do
'Cuz sometimes, life can be too short
The past, the present, the future
it's all mine I realize
For what I do with it determines
if it's my blessing or demise
I think about the things I've done
and many things I haven't
I wonder where the time has gone
and where it is I spent it
-----------------------------
I have a dear friend who's lived a tough life, made rough decisions, and is a better man in the end of it all. It's amazing how life hands us all sour lemons and some of us just wince and complain... others make lemonaid!!! Congrats Lonnie on your new life. This is your letter you wrote me... just "edited" some. *smile*
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