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Steve wanted to give me a "back rub" but needed my dress off to get a "good" one in. He had to help me off with my dress because my hands were shaking. Afterward, he did in fact give me the best back rub I'd ever had to that point. So good, in fact, I was slowly falling asleep. Then he turned me over to rub my front side. That too felt great. Then his kisses followed along with whispered words of how beautiful I was and how privileged he was to be with me. His hot and soft lips pressed to my skin time and again, sending tingles to places within me I had never known to exist before. His roaming fingers massaged under my panties and I was surprised that I was moist down there.
I tried to figure out how I’d gotten wet down there when all of a sudden there was a sharp piercing pain that shot to the depths of my stomach. I let out a stifled cry before he quickly slammed his hand over my mouth to silence me. My eyes shot open in terror. He whispered to me to calm down, it was ok, I'd be ok, it would only hurt for a moment, it would feel better.... his kisses continued falling upon my breasts as his fingers went in deeper and faster. There was a stinging warmth spreading over my thighs and the pain was not getting any better. No, the pain stubbornly stared back at my conscience as if to tell me this is what I get for coming in this room with Steve in the first place. He didn't let go of my mouth. I guess if he didn't hear me say no, then in his mind... it wouldn't be rape. Was it? I came in here willingly... sort of. I let him undress me and I had been kissing him back.
After a few moments the pain wasn't as sharp, but remained a dull stabbing ache in my abdomen and an intense burning inside my vaginal walls. His kissing became more feverish and forceful and I tried to tell him to not be so rough, and please just touch me lightly like he was before. I just wanted a back rub. I didn't like his fingers in me at all... but his hands wouldn't budge. Not the one in my panties, not the one held stubbornly over my mouth.
He smiled wickedly and shook his head no. "No babe, don't say anything. It will be better this way. Just be quiet, enjoy...shhh" and he smiled as he took his fingers from within me and looked at them briefly. His satisfied smile made me curious and I looked. BLOOD! There was blood all over his hands!!! I panicked, I began to kick and writhe and try to get away. He shoved the hand on my face down even harder, and my head sunk in the pillow so all I could see was what was directly above my face... which donned a wide eyed determined looking gaze...a haunting gaze that froze me with fear...
"You see that blood?" he asked smiling wryly. "That means you are not a virgin any more." I felt the tears well up in my eyes. His bloody hand rested on the bed beside the pillow as he positioned himself over me. I looked over to where it rested and saw my blood smeared all over the sheet there. "Oh Baby, you're beautiful... so beautiful... you don't know what you do to me or how you make me want you. You did this to me. You’re mouth just begs to be kissed. I know you want it; I can see it in those big beautiful eyes of yours. You know what? You are not a freshman in high school Baby, you are a goddess!"
The only two thoughts that came immediately to mind were that I hated the word “BEAUTIFUL” at that moment, and I couldn’t figure out why he had blood on his fingers. I could only imagine that he maybe had a knife or something. I thought he might have cut me or scratched the shit out of me. It hurt that bad. But what did I do? Why was he doing this to me? I couldn’t figure out any of this.
I had no idea that you bleed the first time anything goes inside you. I was scared to death; I thought I was going to die. I thought he was going to do things to me, and then kill me. I really thought he must have had a knife. I thought about my mother, and how she’d soon get a call from the police. Or even worse, maybe she’d be taken to the crime seen to identify my body. In my mind, I could see my mother cry and collapse to the floor crying out “NO!” at the top of her lungs. I saw her pain. I began to cry uncontrollably. Nobody else would miss me; nobody would care. Then I got scared as I thought, "Who'd take care of the kids??" I was the oldest of five. It was my job to take care of them! Now look what I'd allowed to happen.
I think all my crying made Steve mad. He wanted to be lost in some delusion that I wanted this too, that I was enjoying this. He tried to talk me out of crying. He told me, "Don't be scared. It will be ok. It will be better. I'll show you." Then he parted my legs and I felt his thighs sticking to mine. He tried to enter slowly and that piercing pain came back. I thought he was cutting me. I didn't know a penis gets hard when excited. It wasn't until he began to slide in and out that it all came back to me.
When my father made me "rub" him when I was not yet five, he had gotten hard too. I had forgotten that. I just always remembered how he was soft and how I had to get Vaseline on my hands like lotion and then rub him. I guess I’d blocked out parts of that abuse starting from when he got hard through the time when he came. I just remembered my hands and arms getting tired and my dad barking for me not to stop or slow down. Then he'd cum. I remembered the smell, the Vaseline and semen mixed. I could smell it now... as if I was five again and there with my father on his bed. And now here I was again, and I was getting sick. I was going to throw up. I was dizzy and nauseous.
Steve pulled out and came on my stomach while jerking himself with his bloody hand. His whole abdomen area was covered in blood. After a moment of being frozen above me with his wilting partner in crime he opened his eyes and looked as if he realized he was shoving my face so hard down and burying my head in the pillow. He let up a bit, but not enough for me to talk. Then he whispered... "IF I let you go, promise me you won't scream" I shook my head yes. He slowly let go and I couldn't have screamed if I wanted to. I was frozen. I was so afraid. There was a knot the size of the U.S.A in my throat.
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