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A Little Of This… A Little Of That
I have to admit… cockatiels are pretty cute. They sit there on their little perch and look around, not a care in the world. Unfortunately, I found out after one bit me (while I tried to feed it a small portion of bird seed), they don’t take a punch very well.
*****
My brother-in-law and his wife came over last night. Chris and his wife, Janeen, have had a stagnant, passionless 26-year marriage until recently, when it was briefly enlivened by Janeen's cancer scare.
Fortunately, it was a mis-diagnosis, but the pair experienced heights of passion rarely seen since early in their marriage. According to Chris, “The girl was all over me like a six-dollar suit!”
Janeen also added that she now felt comfortable enough about her health to stop wearing that ugly green sweater Chris gave her when he first found out she had cancer.
The couple now feels good enough about Janeen’s health to cancel that expensive trip to Barbados, too. Apparently, the house needs paint.
*****
There is no venue safe from exploitation. Seeking to capitalize on the recent IPO rage on Wall Street, blue-green algae Anabaena announced Tuesday that it will go public next week with its first-ever stock offering.
Anabena, according to sources close to the aquatic Lake Erie-based prokaryote, is poised to become an attractive investment opportunity that no investor can afford to ignore. In addition to being the world's largest producer of oxygen, Anabaena has a strong foothold in many markets other companies find untenable, from tidal spray pools of Lake Michigan to the frozen ponds of Siberia. And with its base of operation constantly expanding, the future for this blue-chip algae looks especially bright.
Complete with their Madison Avenue-produced slogan, "Anabaena—We Didn't Make The Atmosphere, We Just Made It Breathable™", Vice President/Controller X-1347(subgroupAlpha-6) says they expect to be highly productive and efficient, despite the fact that Anabaena has failed to turn a profitable quarter since its founding in the early Proterozoic Era.
Perhaps the most alarming point to this story is that although they're not saying in the prospectus—and I've been through it thoroughly— blue-green algae aren't really algae at all. They're cyanobacteria, and we all know the implications of that little revelation.
*****
If there were no such thing as “1” or “0”, how would we ever have made the first computer?
*****
I have a question to ask. Is it considered poor taste to exhibit my Smurf & Gargumel collection next to my Dukes of Hazzard lunch box on my Welcome Back, Kotter TV tray table? My wife says it’s gauche, because it becomes a new inter-genre combination. I’m just asking…
*****
Huzzah! The great day is coming! Last night, during our trip to Greta’s Frozen Yogurt, I discovered that the purchase finally filled up my punch card. Now, the very next time I go to Greta’s, it’s free frozen yogurt for me!
I’d like to thank all my friends for supporting me, for hanging in there with me during the tough times when I didn’t think I’d ever fight my way through to the end.
To all those scientists and microbiologists, inventors and testers who made my dream come alive, I can only hope you’re able to know a small portion of the joy in my heart right now. And last but not least, thank you to the Greeks for giving us paper. Without you, we’d never have cards to punch or cups to put the frozen yogurt in.
Thank you, thank you… one and all… thank you!
*****
My wife’s momma got caught eatin' food off the shelf down at the A & P again yesterday... They didn't arrest her or anything, the manager and the cops told me they felt sorry for her.
Learn from this my friends... you should never eat cat food straight from the can.
*****
I had another one of those strange football dreams last night. I'm sitting on a pure-white llama surrounded by thirteen white candles and Boise State University linebackers are trying to teach me how to fend off a drive block. It probably don't mean nothin'...
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It's really been hot here. Yesterday, I must have had heat stroke because I felt myself getting all woozy and nauseous, so I decided to take off all my clothes and lay down for awhile. It didn't do any good, though... the bus driver made me get off at the next stop.
*****
I bought a crappy old beat-up rocker at the Thrift Store the yesterday for four bucks. I think he said his name is "Neil Diamond".
*****
The wife finally talked me into shaving my head. She says bald-headed men are sexy. Sure enough, when I walked into the A&P yesterday, I noticed all the ladies were pointin' and starin' at me. Just to be scientific, though, I'm going to try it again tomorrow, only this time I'm gonna wear some clothes.
*****
Well, what are you standing around for? Go do something, for goodness sake! You're starting to embarrass me...
Peace...
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