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Currency, Currently
Personally, I think it’d be neat if compliments could be used as the unit for monetary exchange. It would totally change our society. Can you imagine? You walk into your local bar and ask the bartender for a round for your table. Quickly, she assesses what everyone’s drinking and soon returns with the drinks.
“Wow, that was quick, Suzie!”
“Yea, it’s been slow, tonight.”
“Well, let me say, I think your boss works you way too hard. Also, did I mention how much I like that sweater you’re wearing? It really brings out the color of your beautiful blue eyes. Where’s your adorable little daughter, Amanda? She’s just about the cutest kid I’ve ever seen! Do you have a picture you could show my friends?”
“Awww… aren’t you sw---“
“Ah, ah, ah…. hold it right there! Keep the change, Sweetheart!”
Yea, it’d totally change the way we conduct ourselves in public. We could ride the subway for a simple “God bless you!” or watch a ballgame for the price of pointing out what a wonderful job the groundskeepers have done in keeping up the stadium.
If you’re accused of a capital crime, the judge could sentence you to have your tongue removed. Then, you’d be forced to wander the world, seated at intersections and freeway off-ramps holding up your Will compliment for food. Your hair looks great! sign, and holding your hat out.
The homeless guy who wants to clean your windshield while you’re stuck in traffic would disappear. He’d be too busy spending his fabulous wealth at the liquor store. The liquor store owner would stand behind the counter waiting patiently while his customer completed his semi-coherent diatribe regarding the quality of his merchandise.
Giving out false compliments would be a felony. “Your honor, the defendant, Mr. John Smith, on or about 1:55 a.m., Saturday night, did falsely and feloniously inform Miss Cindy Lou Dalrymple that “No, you are not overweight, you just have big bones!” Of course, when the judge sees the unimpeachable evidence that Cindy is about a Twinkie under three hundred pounds, the case becomes very easy to adjudicate, and the tongue-ripping would begin. Plus, how would you pay your lawyer?
The guy who lives in the mansion on the hill would obviously be the quietest guy in town. You don’t get rich by spending unwisely.
By the way, did I mention that you’re all wonderful people? You’re currently demonstrating your fine taste in literature.
Keep the change.
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