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 02-29-2008 Eric Gasparich
Sailor Mercury is the Sailor Moon character that is more deeply Japanese than any of the others. She symbolizes the hope of brilliance, and of hard work in the pursuit of mastery. One wonders what goes on in the mind of people as driven as the Japanese, and the kinds of self-doubts and fears that attend their highly conformist culture. This poem is a fine window into what might possibly go on in such minds.
P.S Jordan, I thought Sailor Pluto was your second favorite.
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07-14-2007 Jordan Screws
A poem about Sailor Mercury, eh? She is among my favorite Sailor Senshi, my second-favorite to be precise (Sailor Jupiter is my favorite). It seems that have been beaten to the punch by Leigh, but I will add what I can. Where to begin?
I like how you made the poem sound contemplative. It suits Mercury's nature as the most intellectual of the Senshi, and you have established an air of mystery as to who is trailing her and their intentions. The ending is also a bit of a surprise: was she really in danger, or was it really a dream? On the same token, the ending was a bit abrupt... just as the reader is getting involved, a door slams in their face. What about what happened after she woke up?
Overall, the poem was also a bit short. However, it is nothing fatal to the overall quality. The ending needed a bit more elaboration and you could have given at least a hint as to the identity of the mysterious individual, but otherwise it was pretty good. Will you be doing another work of this nature, or a series of poems dedicated to a Senshi? Keep up the good work!
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05-25-2006 Leigh G.
Very nice! There's one thing that bothers me though...I'm the first comment!!! It's taken four years of a comment? Unbelievable! Sickening! PnP commenting really is down the crapper! Anyhow, this is a very good poem! I liked the flow and rhymes, even though I'm not used to poems rhyming...I do mainly free verse. :) I liked how you based it from Sailor Moon, and the idea of the poem was a good one. You should capitalize the start of each line, but that's all in the grammar department.... Spelling errors:
First paragraph, fourth line: suspicously is suspiciously
Second paragraph, third line, possably is possible (how many times did I make that one? :))
And last in the line after that one, Murcury is Mercury.
Aside from those few problems, this poem is flawless. Good work, keep writing!
Leigh of the Commenting Crusaders
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