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Bobby turned a corner
Running into Mary-Anne
Laughing he grabbed her
And pulled her into huge bear hug
"Where have you been?
It's been years since we parted
My god you look terrific
I swear you grow more gorgeous every day!"
Barely breathing from the intensity of the hug
Mary-Anne smiled
Yet the radiance didn't touch her grey eyes
Nor shine through her lined face
"Where is the woman who used to light up a room?
Where is that teasing smile I used to love so much?"
Bobby laughed as he touched her cheek
With his rough hand
Mary-Ann smiled with her wide mouth, her eyes filled with sadness
"You're crazy Bobby
But you always were
Even when we were kids
Playing in the backyard
Pretending the slide was a space ship
And the swings were the rockets zooming through the meteorites"
"You're crazy Bobby"
She said again
Brushing away his callused hand and wiggling out of the embrace,
"But you always were
Even when we were teens
Dating everyone in the school
Pretending we didn't feel that way about one another
Yet
In the dark of the gym during a dance
We'd come together and hold one another tight
As we danced the last waltz of the night
Then pull away when the lights came on"
"You're crazy Bobby"
Mary-Anne went on
As she dug deep into the gravel with her toe
Which poked out from the hole in her sneaker
And looked down, not meeting his eyes
"But you always were
Even when we decided to elope
And ran away to Vegas
Defying our family's wishes to attend university
And have a rich full life
One that had been denied to them"
"You're crazy Bobby"
The tears flowed down the dry cheeks, unnoticed by the woman
Standing there in worn clothes, ragged and smelling rotten
"But you always were
I remember when you dressed up as a clown
To make me laugh
Right in the hospital after we lost our first child
Born too early, she couldn't fight
And went to live with the angels
You know
I never saw you cry
I never knew if you cared
All you wanted to do was make me laugh
And I couldn't"
Bobby stepped away from Mary-Anne
His grizzled hand upon her chin, tilting her head up to look at his
His other hand reached to wipe away her tears
She pushed him away and started to run down the road
Not wanting to see the pain in those blue eyes
The pain she denied for years was hiding there
In two large steps Bobby was upon her
He grabbed her with gentleness upon her shoulders
And spun her around
Holding her tight against his chest
His hard working hands rubbed her thin hair
Working down upon her back
Soothing words
As if he was taming a wild horse who had been beaten down
One too many times
Mary-Anne stood perfectly still
Her body, like ice
Cold, stiff and unbending
As Bobby held her with all his warmth
Trying to thaw out the person
He knew was hiding deep inside
Before the alcohol destroyed the heart
And the drugs destroyed the soul
"You're crazy Bobby"
She muttered against his broad chest
"But you always were
Even when our second child died
In a stupid senseless accident
And everyone pointed fingers at me
But not even the court of law could punish me as hard as I punished myself
For leaving our son alone in the bathtub
So I could answer that stupid phone
And tell the salesman that I was not interested in better phone rates"
"You're crazy Bobby"
She choked out in sobs
"But you always were
Even when I disappeared and later filed for divorce
After sleeping with your best friend, your cousin, your uncle
I couldn't even explain to you why
I just wanted to see you react
Because when our son died
You just stood there strong at the funeral
And didn't even shed a tear"
Bobby, silent, continued to hold Mary-Anne
Ignoring the smell of urine which rose strongly
In the hot sun and mingled with the gentle breeze flowing
Down the dusty street
And he pulled back, looking deep into her icy grey eyes
And he said in a gruff, hard voice
"I couldn't cry Mary-Anne
Because if I did
I would not have been able to remain strong for you
And I thought that is what you needed the most
I believed you needed the laughter, the love and the strength
Not the tears
Those I held back until I was alone
Then they came like waves in an ocean
Engulfing me and pulling me down
I was frightened with the intensity
I couldn't turn to you, you were lost in the pain
And I couldn't reach you
I couldn't find you
It was as if you were down a deep dark well
And there was simply no escape"
"You're crazy Bobby
But you always were
Open your eyes and look at me
Who is it that you see?"
And the screams raged throughout the padded room
Echoing back to the sole man in the middle
Standing with his slashed arms wrapped tightly around his body
Holding no one but the air and himself
As he opened his eyes and saw
The only one who was there,
Was Bobby
And the screams raged on.....
And on....
And on...
~~Feb 2001~~
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