Once, late in the darkness,
Old Devil, he got down,
In the mirror he smiled at his likeness,
Then put on some threads for town.

Some snakeskin boots to conceal his hooves,
Some Calvin Klein jeans to hide his tail,
Horns he hid under do-rag and hat ,
And old Satan stepped out as sleek as a cat,
Lookin’ for mice on the trail.

He swaggered into this jive-ass bar,
Bad moon was on the rise,
With the bartender there he began his spiel,
On politics, gossip, and souls he could steal,
False kinship gleamed in his eyes.

And then he left for the brothel,
Near a crackhouse off Jack Daniel’s street,
He was a favorite john of all the girls,
They thought he was awfully sweet.

Nick was an accomplished abortionist,
As “bad girls” will sometimes require,
In checking out the cathouse I guess,
He was looking for fuel for his fire.

He scoped out each dive, to each hovel he’d drive,
In a Caddie with rolled and pleat seats,
Showing gold teeth, enthralled by their grief,
And they backed off in fear at his horrible leer,
Though danced in delight to his beats.


Devil stuck his long snout into every nook,
Where his children were plying his craft,
Such gullible sheep all their names in his Book,
Pretending to be straight while inside they shook,
But Beelzebub knows wheat from chaff.

A pimp, near his stable where Lucifer pranced,
Braggadocio line after line,
Boasted if the Dark Dude showed up alone,
He’d bust a cap in him with his nine;
Ho! Ho! Oh well, thought the Monarch of Hell,
Diss me and I’ll pick my teeth with your bones,
‘Cause soon you will be one of mine.

Satan next spied the King of the Hood,
With homies he was holding court,
Passing out crystal and baggies of blow,
Designer drugs from his legions below,
Convincing them all he's not a bad sort.

Hee! hee! cackled Moloch, the market's so fine,
Each new day, adding millions of shares,
Corrupting each other, their sisters and brothers,
They’ll steal from their fathers - beat up their mothers,
And not a one of them saying their prayers!

Here are my poisons let's all smoke and sniff,
For the hell-bound I've rewards, and special dark gifts,
I'm the Pied Piper, do my lemmings see the cliff?
Get down to the basics - sin's not bad - get a grip!
(One stroll is so droll - think I'll make lots of trips!)