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Sacrifice
by Aaron Schmookler (Age: 31)
copyright 10-23-2002
Contest Winner

Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
A few dollars for my pocket,
But it will be gone.

Sacrifice it.
Difficult choice – For Sale.
My body is whole,
But something is missing.

I was rounding the bend
Of the on ramp
Accelerating to merge
With freeway traffic.
Steep left lean.

My memory of what
happened next,
Like my jacket,
Is threadbare.
A tattered shredded remnant.

Sounds, like crunch
And scrape,
And drag.
Sitting up and wondering
Why am I down here?

But I walked away.
And that was lucky
Given the freeway speed.
So I’ll walk away,
And keep looking back
To shrug.

I remember
A small child I once knew
Playing with a swell toy car
And giggling.
Suddenly in tears,
The toy had pinched a little finger,
He handed it to me.

You take it, said his hand.
He picked up a plane
And flew round the room,
But the pilot flew in circles
Round the car in my lap.

The classified ad reads
My bike, My motorcycle,
Mine – for sale.


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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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02-06-2003 Les Heywood    

Congrats on the dub. Sorry, I'm several months behind on reading. My bad. But very good write! I'm impressed.
01-24-2003 Jennifer Campbell-Kletzli    

This is such an awesome poem!
11-13-2002 Catherine Wilson    

Congratulation on your win Aaron, it was well deserved. Your work is always of the highest quality and it's obvious the pride and love you have for writing.
11-12-2002 Patrick Talty    

Congatulations on your well-deserved win, Aaron!
Having read your limerick and a VERY short poem (both of which I rated highly) I was interested to read this piece to try to assess your ability to handle a serious topic in a form of greater length.

I found that you were able to use your skill to achieve the important element of "brevity". However, instead of a short poem you have created a form of moderately greater length that demonstrates your skill in the economical use of meaningful words and images. In doing so you were still able to achieve n style that does not affect the overall impact of the poem.

I look forward to reading more of your work as time permits.
11-08-2002 Christopher Underwood    

words are like rain flowing from the soul.
let it flood
11-02-2002 Kay Lee Kelly    

Very well done, great work!
11-02-2002 Liz Dicus    

I really lik they why you relate all the words. The content is god this is a choice peice of poetry.
11-01-2002 Eddie Bruce    

Not my scene Aaron, but I found this poem both telling (not in the short story sense!) and economic (from a word count point of view).
I enjoyed reading it.
Hearty congratulations!
11-01-2002 Maralee Gerke    

Congratulations to you Aaron. This poem was outstanding.
11-01-2002 Cristina Lipp    

Congrats, Aaron;

Wonderful poem. You deserved the honors. Sorry I missed it before.

Chris
10-29-2002 Raluca Papadopol    

i loved it. awesome.
10-24-2002 Angie Engle    

Aaron, this is so real and love your twist in the end.
I could feel the car crunching as I too had an accident on a Tampa freeway and walked away.

Very emotional take on subject we can all relate to. Great write!
10-23-2002 William Robbins    

Excellent Aaron. So full of a real life view and experience. You handle the subject very well.
10-23-2002 Audrey Sullivan    

Realy Fantastic Has
Always.
10-23-2002 Maralee Gerke    

This is a very realistic poem with a twist. You kept me reading to the very end. I'm so glad that you weren't injured. Great write.
Visitor Reads: 611
Total Reads: 1240
Comments: 15

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