Burning Memories
by
Mary -BrytEyz- Ball
(Age: 39)
copyright 07-06-2001 Contest Winner
Age Rating: 7 to 127
I guess I'll let my silence say
All these feelings that I can't
For they only get in the way
In droves and roves of raves and rants
Empty stupefied stares I glare
Filling the hollowness with hate
Not requesting apologies
Twelve years later is too late
At the moment there's a large knot
Lodged deep in my cauterized throat
Smoking volcanoes are rising there
But their fluids just don't coat
Burning lava slowly flowing
Eating through an iron stomach
My anxiety's a candle
My fear the flinted burning wick
Let it burn, oh yes! Let it burn
Through the recollections in my mind.
Let it hurt, oh please! Let it hurt
My combusted esteem gone blind
Ghosting memories, they will haunt him
Expose empty past retention
Make him face my fears on that day
And admit what wasn't mentioned
Let affliction sting his conscience
Let it scream at this craziness
And to think, I just now saw him
Smugly smiling like nobody's business,
Ominously ignoring the past
The truth that remains hidden today.
So maybe I was just a mouse,
What gave him the right? I'm so afraid!
-------------------------------------------
When those in a trusting position abuse that position and power,
what's left to hold mankind together? What glue remains to cement family ties, loving unions, and community bonds?
Society fails when the family unit unravels and lays torn and shredded in fragments. No empire can stand, when it deteriorates one family cornerstone at a time.
When a father abuses his position of authority, marring the heart of a child, twisting their love and trust, tearing heartstrings out by the roots... is there any remedy to the damage left in greed and selfishness' quake? When a child unwittingly welcomes evil, wide eyed and innocently, will they ever be so willing to trust again?
One selfish moment, one greedy act of self gratification can mar that child for a lifetime, and ebb distrust throughout every subsequent relationship... and no amount of wishing it so will ever make the monster (or the nightmares) go away.
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Quite nice, quite nice! You know me and dark poem. :) Hell, I was signing my comments "May the divine darkness be with you" for a while...now that I look back on that little signature I think to myself, "...What was wrong with my brain back then, anyway?" Back on topic! We all have memories we want to simply fade away, or "burn". People that cause these bad memories to flare up, along with illogical thought. But, we'll look back and wonder a lot of the time something along the lines of "...What was I thinking?" Good work, keep writing!
Words give strength, and I know you have strength. This is a very emotional piece and I know it must have been hard to write, but you did write it and so well.
Thanks.
They call it a sickness...DAH! I know that things compell us to do what we do! Writing about it and talking about it is difficult, but it will help. You are proubly awair of that though. Thank you for sharing this part of you with me! Anthony
Mary, It is difficult to understand that kind of pain unless you have been there. You will find strength in sharing and writing about your ordeal.
Sounds like he is ill and will never realize the pain he has caused nor be sorry. Maybe in his next life....Connie:)
Thanks. It was hard to face my father again. Each time I see him, he just smiles like he cares and acts like nothing happened. When others say my mother was so "mean" for taking me from him, I look to him and he looks at me like..."Yes, she was so mean to me." I think he believes his own lies now. It's been so long. They don't know the courts took me away cuz he sexually abused me and my brother. They don't know all my dad had to do for visitation was see 12 hours of counseling!!! Instead he opted for $12 a month child support and no contact whatsoever until I was 18. It was all HIS doing... not my loving wonderful mother. Sigh. What a life, eh? ANd there he sits... still smugly smiling. *chills down my back* Grrrrr... Sigh. Someday ... I'll find closure.
A mere glance, a word, a sound and it all comes back - the fear. By breaking silence comes strength...which was always there helping you to survive the ordeal, the fear. No more silence, words break free and courage stands tall. More no fear. Well written poem Mary!