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For many people, the first kiss is the most magical and a time they will never forget. To lose the innocence of childhood and move forward into the world of adult romance, is a time that will forever stay within the heart and mind. Yet, for myself, I cannot recall the first time I kissed. I cannot recall who the kiss was with or the circumstances it occurred. It was not the magical, romantic moment of pre-teen fools, nor was it the awkward moment of crazy children. My first kiss was forgotten, lost in the haze of alcohol and drugs. A distant memory of a foolish teen.
Perhaps I don't recall my very first kiss but I do recall my most memorable kiss. I was 13 years old. My friends and I were playing "truth or dare" and I chose dare. Like the fool I was, I believed my friends would dare me to make a silly phone call or drink a beer in one swallow or other such foolish antics. I never dreamed they'd dare me to kiss my friend, who was male and who I'd never think of kissing! We were friends and friends simply didn't kiss friends. Or so I thought.
He was calm about the dare, despite being pulled into it by association. I thought it would be fine. We were friends, nothing would come of it. We'd simply touch lips. It would be over.
The dare went further - to kiss for 5 minutes without stopping. He assured me it would be fine. Scared, nervous and feeling very awkward, I allowed him to pull me into a kiss. Our lips touched, rubbed, moved around and I started to relax. My mind told me this was fine despite the friends laughter echoing in the room and my own heart beating madly.
Out of no where, his lips parted and he thrust his tongue against mine, forcing my lips apart. I fell backwards, screaming, "Gross! He stuck his tongue out!"
The moment those words left my lips, my face turned brillant red and I fled from the room. I ran out the door, ignoring my friends calling me back. I quickly turned back and saw him sitting there with a stunned look upon his face. I slammed the door behind me and ran down the road, tears streaming from my eyes and absolutely embarrassed over what I had done.
My girlfriends finally caught up to me. I was doubled over, attempting to catch my breath and trying not to cry. I felt horrible. I felt embarrassed. I felt stupid.
My friends explained what french kissing was and how sorry my male friend felt for his actions. He asked them to explain how he had moved into this automatically, not realizing I had never experienced a french kiss before. They were very caring and understanding - once they stopped laughing - and convinced me to return to the party.
As I walked back, I saw my male friend walking towards me looking very sad. My girlfriends went back to the house while we talked. He apologised. I apologised. We walked back together and returned to the party.
Afterwards, I was teased for awhile in the way that teens will do to one another - not in hate or cruelty, just in silliness at the entire situation. And as most things do, this all passed and soon, we had over things to laugh over and tease one another about.
My first kiss may have been forgotten in the alcohol and drugs of a misguided youth but this kiss shall forever be burned on my mind, as my first and most memorable kiss.
As for my male friend, we remained good friends throughout high school and we never kissed again.
~~2001~~
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