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Fame,
I sent you letter with my poems to get your response...they must have been really bad if you don’t write back to let me know that you do or don’t like them...
How is your life? I think you are a magician... one minute you are there, the next you are not. I wish we had more time to talk, as I really wish to discuss some things with my friend.
Are we still friends? I am not sure, as you don’t respond. Hmm.
Maybe your mail is broken, or maybe you are just so busy with your parents business...that would be a good thing though!
And your brother, is he still there? I wonder what goes on there.
It would be nice to get an email from my friend though...hint
hint....
well
ingat
B.E.
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Fame,
I have tried to reach you without success...
I would think if you did not wish to be bothered you would have just told me. I worry something is wrong.
Since you don’t talk to me, I don’t know what to think. You were fine one
minute and now you are silent. I wonder if I have said something. I guess I will never know, will I? I won't if you don’t talk.
One thing is for certain; you can take away your friendship, but you can never erase the past. SOMEONE once told me that the past would always be there for us ... it is called memories. I see that is true. Because you never know what the future holds.
Please, if this is a misunderstanding, just let me know. If you have a
question about something I said...just ask me to explain!
I guess... if this is to be the last letter, I will say good-bye to you. I hope life and God blesses you with all the happiness there is to bestow upon you. I pray for your family's happiness, and well being! May all your problems be solved swiftly and easily.
Ingat
B.E.
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Fame,
I know I said I would not write you, but you have not told me not to. Therefore, I think I will write you today.
I am sorry; I can’t help but tell you what
I got in the mail today, two cd's. One is by Side A: the music is beautiful. The other is by Regine Velasquez. I got them from another friend in the Philippines. Have you heard of these artists? I heard they are popular in the Phils. Is that true? Again, I am so excited that I just had to let you know
Bye
B.E.
_____ __________ ________ ______________
(Finally, Fame wrote me. This is what his letter said...)
B.E.,
Side A was a very popular band during the late 80's up until now and Regine Velasquez is very popular here since the 90's. Regine has won lots of musical awards here and abroad and I think Mariah Carey got insecured over her when she heard Regine sing.
I just cant keep in touch with you anymore B.E. I’m sorry for anything I've done. I just wish that memories we had before would just remain as such…... (NOTICE THE DOTS HERE; WE BOTH ALWAYS SAID THAT MEANT THERE WAS MORE TO SAY THAT WASN'T SAID... I WONDER WHAT HE LEFT OUT HERE. *SIGH*)
I've been busy serving for my community and the people God has sent me to help has done a great job. I’ve been playing my guitar a lot singing praises to Him and it is such a great feeling. Again, I’m so sorry if things didn’t workout
Fame
_________ ________ ________ ___________
(See how short it was? See how unemotional? I was now convinced he didn’t love me, not now, and maybe not ever. I cried and cried. Perhaps it was just guilt. He also mentioned his religious community. Now these are my last letters to him...)
Fame,
I know I have made mistakes, and I am very sorry for them. I was so selfish to want more than was meant for me. I wish I could go back and change them. But, I cant. My next wish would to be to go on in the right way and be happy with just being friends. I guess that is not possible either. I will go on, by myself then. I will learn from my mistakes, and never repeat them. I just want to say, you need not be sorry that things didn’t work out.
Everything happens for a reason, I just need to realize what the reason is. You know, I lost a dear friend in losing you. How I wish I could change that. I wish I could write my friend right now and know that they read every word. I wish I could share once again all that happens in my life. I wish I still had someone to turn to. I feel so lost after losing my friend. I know that they are just that, just wishes though. Wishes and dreams, heh! They can be so good at times, and so not good at others. Well, I don’t even know if you will get this. I do know that if you do, you most likely wont write back. I really don’t understand so many things, but oh well, right?
I did learn many valuable lessons from my friend that I will never forget, in that way I guess; they are never really truly gone, are they? That is one way to keep them alive in my life, to remember the wisdom and apply it. Did you ever read the book "1984"? I think it was that book where at the end of the book, two lovers were separated and their fears were exposed, and they were tortured with their fears until they betrayed their lover. Then they were set free. After that, they couldn’t face each other any more... well, I always wished that they could get beyond that, and realize we all make mistakes.
I think I betrayed my friendship by letting it get too far, I wish I could also get beyond that. Anyway, I am sure you do not wish to have me write anymore. I am sorry for taking up so much of your time. Thank you for taking the time to read this (salamat) I hope your life brings you much happiness, and that health and wisdom follow you closely. Take care of yourself, and your family.
Ingat
B.E.
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Fame,
I was just thinking, Hmm...
Here in the USA, when people separate, they give to each other what belongs to them that the other person left behind. Some things I have here in my mailbox were given to me by a dear friend, to keep forever, and I will. Some things are not meant for me, they are things I always meant to give to my friend, and must be given to whom they are intended. I will forward them to you, and I wont bother you any longer.
Your Old Friend
B.E.
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Fame,
Here's the first one. I wrote this, and it will be a song soon for sale on a cd. When that happens, I will be exstatic. It was written for a friend and I think I should make sure they have it.
"Love and Lost" …..
(I WILL POST THIS POEM LATER)
Ingat My Friend
B.E.
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Fame,
Here is another one. I know these will make good songs, and if the right band buys them, they will be famous...and maybe someday, people all over the world will hear my songs...and think......maybe someday you will hear it... and you'll think... maybe you'll remember....
“I Close My Eyes”
(Again, I'll post this in an upcoming article)
Yours
B.E.
----- ---------- ---------- ---------
Fame,
Although this song is sad, the listener or reader should not be. Time has a way of making things ok.....
How Long Before I Forget?
(Yes, an article by this name will be posted shortly)
Holding to memories,
B.E.
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Fame,
Well, I am all done cleaning out now... all the other stuff that was there you already had, and the ones I did send were just the ones that I never sent. My box is cleared of the cobwebs and memories; I wish I could say the same for my heart. In time though, right? Leaving this email account to close due to non-use is kind of like an old empty apartment... you kind of don’t want to go. There's nothing to stay for though, you know? Ever have to move, and get that feeling looking back at the empty place...and remember all that happened there?
I used to move a lot. You never get used to the feeling. You have to choose to go, and then bring all the happy memories with you, and leave the bad ones behind. I'm so glad I have a house now (Relationship wise because I'm married), and wont be doing that again (moving on from relationship to relationship)! No, it is too painful to move on. A home (or marriage), no matter how imperfect, is better than jumping in and out of apartments all the time, that is for sure! I guess I should try to fix it up and I’ll end up dying in a masion, eh? Grin It's like our relationship was just temporary. Like our email mailbox was our apartment. Well, anyway. You said you were my friend, I could have sworn that I read that some where, so I thought I would send you these last ones before I left.
Some things I am taking with me are letters that are mine; well, a dear friend gave them to me. Poems, letters, stuff like that. I hope someday, whatever things are keeping my friend away, will let him go, and we can be friends again. I know he knows how to get in touch if he ever wants to. Do you think that will ever happen? Hmm... Only time will tell. Wherever forever is, that is where I will be. Heh! I heard that once to. Remember that song? Remember you said your love for me was as deep as the ocean? Remember you said it was as high as the sky? Only, forever is not as long as I once thought. It seems the ocean is not that deep, and the sky is not so high after all! Well, anyway, thanks again for being my friend and listening to me ramble. Have a great day, a great life.
With or against my will,
the memories will live on forever.
Ingat and Goodbye
B.E.
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