Now Vacant
by
Aaron Schmookler
(Age: 31)
copyright 01-22-2003
Age Rating: 13 to 127
Driving westward on Interstate 40,
Snow covered desert sliding by.
Here and there, on the median and berm,
Jackknifed tractor-trailers lie empty
And lifeless on their sides
Recalling horses, lame on wagon trails,
Put down to end their misery.
And I feel some kinship,
Empty myself, an aching carapace,
Hollowed by the scrape of
“I don’t feel the same”.
So the frosted desert
Wasteland seems apt.
Cold residing in the land
Of scorching heat.
I pass the town of Two Guns,
And twenty miles later, Twin Arrows,
And I wonder who won;
Guns or Arrows.
But I know who won
Because Cupid lost,
And besides, I am the white man,
Driving through Navajo land,
And the emptiness is echoed again
In the dilapidated homes
And the roadside rug shops
And the rusting cars.
When I reach our home,
Now vacant of her,
I revisit the lonely trucks
Abandoned by the roadside.
Like them, my home is off kilter
And lacks the purpose it once had.
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you recommend or rate the work highly...
The imagery is artistic and powerful...emotions are bared to the bone...I think a carapace might ache if enough residual spirit remained behind after life sucked it dry to feel the pain...I know mine does....LOL! Besides, it is an excellent word which depicts and conjurs up an image of a dried husk of a living creature better than any other synonymn I can think of...so if it works, it expresses what you feel and conveys that to receptive others.
Dear Aaron, It is good to hear your words again. You have real talent. oh to be that lucky. This feeling of aloneness will fade, but the hurt you portray is very real. It is the human condition to risk putting your heart on the line and then get it broken. Don't stop trying to love it feels to me like you have much to offer.
Hi Aaron! i liked this very much, got the imagery, the lonely, washed-up feeling, the dry observation of life sliding by without any real meaning.
Being picky, a carapace can not 'ache'- perhaps 'empty' might work in the context of the poem?
First, FWIW, I like the title you have now, it's just right. MHO. Was just thinking, though, depending on the direction you want people to think the "I" in the poem ultiamtely goes, "Now Vacant" imolies, to me, also at an impass and (in the eyes of the narrator) likely to stay vacant. "Vacancy" would imply the hope of being filled again in the future. Of course, so too does "Now Vacant" as opposed to "Eternal vacancy"... Oh, never mind. *g* Anyway, you say below that you're reasonably happy with the title, so I'll shut up now.
Second, I like your choices of words thru out (except for "cupid"... he seems out of place, light and fluffy or something, for this poem)--your words reflect the empty feelings and surroundings all the way.
Welcome !
