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Jeni Jones
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1 Members
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As free as it could be
by Eugenia Buskova (Age: 19)
copyright 03-28-2003


Age Rating: 1 to 127

 
The sun goes up
The moon goes down.
When the light will shine
The earth will die
As if it will disapear
In the future....


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06-30-2005 Roger Crique    

Eugenia, I think I know what you're trying to say, but what you have here is a series of broken thoughts. In other words, you must be a little more precise in what you want to express. Poetry can be anything, but it must make sense to the reader as well as to the writer. You know what you want to say, but your readers don't! I think that the topic is a good start. Ask yourself, what does the Sun do? The sun rises and sets! What does the Moon do? Well, the Moon comes out and later hides, right? Work with that, if you still want to fix this poem.
03-07-2005 Anthony Lane Stahlhut    

I'm trying to understand, but there seems to be no reason that the world should disapear. Maybe if you told us why you feel the world would just disapear. Thanks, Anthony
04-20-2003 Veronica W.    

very nice
04-03-2003 Chelsea R.    

It was too short....But I enjoyed it very much!
03-28-2003 Haley Thistle    

Good but too short for me
Visitor Reads: 567
Total Reads: 700
Comments: 5

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