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When I came to America I was hoping to find a job that I am experienced in but unfortunately the immigration law didn't allow me to get what I wanted to do and what I loved to do. So I had no other choice than go on the street and find anything that was available for me and what would make my stomach happy.
Before I began knocking at any door that was ornamented with a "Help wanted" sign, I had already investigated the job market in order to find out where I could fit in with my experience.
My parents taught me that honesty pays off and it is a key to a success, so applying for any job I was so honest that tears of sympathy filled up eyes of my potential employer and didn't allow him to see clearly my point. When he was wiping tears off his cheeks I was crying too, but for quite different reason. I was furious that he didn't want to give me a chance to show to him what I was able to do.
I was taught how to trim my fingernails so I thought that I could trim dog's claws as well. I knew how to water plants and clean them from dead leaves so there was nothing mysterious about that kind of works either. My mother showed to me how to keep our apartment neat so I knew what a broom and a dustpan were for.
However, whatever I was capable of doing wasn't enough for the owners of small businesses which were desperate to find a helping hand. What I heard was that I was overqualified for the work they expected from a job seeking guy.
I had two choices: either to give up or to play stupid. Because it would be stupid of me to give up I decided to play stupid. And what's more I decided to lie because it seemed that lies paid off. So whenever I got a job I had to let people to realize how dumb I was and I saw in their eyes admiration for my efforts to understand how certain things had to be done. My questions made them feel proud of themselves. They liked to play teachers and the wisest in the world. But I also had to be careful not to go too far in my stupidity and show to them how quick a learner I am.
At one of my jobs, the lady of the house went down on her knees and showed to me how to clean a shadow because she thought that while cleaning I missed a spot on her living room's floor. Although I wanted to express my opinion about that "dirt" I bit my tongue. What the heck, I thought, she paid me for whatever I was doing for her so if the shadow made her unhappy, whenever I saw her coming, I was on my knees cleaning the spot she had showed to me. I was busy and she was happy that I learned so quickly.
One day I was asked about an ashtray on her living room coffee table:
"Shall I put it on this corner or on the other one, what do you think?"
I scratched my forehead as if I was in deep thoughts looking at her and the ashtray and after a while I said:
"Let’s try to put it on the third one?"
She was so happy with my involvement in her dilemma that we spent an hour trying to figure out what was the best spot for her damn piece of glass which at the end she placed wherever she wanted to put it.
Just a few of these kind close encounters with a boss convinced me that the card I played at this kind of games was the right one.
Usually I talked face to face with a potential employer but it sometimes happened that I had to fill out a job application. The questions in that kind of questionnaire made me think that whoever designed it had never had to look for a job. There was obvious information that I had to give there, like my name, address, telephone number that would allow a potential employer to know me better, but some of the questions made my hair stand on end.
"How did you hear about us?"
Does it make any difference how I heard about you if I say that the birds were chirping about you looking for a helper? Shall I say that I was desperate to find a livelihood and you were the first place I stopped by on my way to get any job?
"Have you ever been employed with us before?"
Well, if I worked for you before, why should I ask you for a job again? If I quit because I didn't like the way you treated me before, I wouldn't apply for a job with you in a million years.
"Do any of your friends or relatives, other than spouse, work here?"
Shall I say that we are starving because my wife doesn't work or my friend doesn't want to lend us any money? Does it mean that if I say my wife or a friend work for you, you won't give me this job because you think we have enough money to put bread on our table?
"Are you looking for a full time, part time or temporary position?"
Well, if I don't get a full time job, four hours a week won't pay my bills, will they?
"What other experience do you have?"
From my experience in looking for a job I know that if I tell you too much, you will come to a strange conclusion that I am overqualified.
"May we contact your present employer?"
If I want to work for you it means that I don't have a present employer. Even if I had one, you would make my life miserable calling my boss. He or she would find out that I am thinking about changing jobs and they might fire me and if I wouldn't get a job with you, I would be in deep trouble or if you don't mind my saying, in deep sh..!
"Could you travel if a job requires it?”
I live when my home is and I am happy here so if you ask me to move from New York to Seattle, I can't do it. Sorry!
"What is your desire salary range?"
Oh well, I would like to make a million a year. Why not? There are some who get one million for twenty-four minutes sitcom and I think that I am as experienced as they are.
I am not a politician but if I had ever decided to become one, I think I would have been a good one. Sometimes I watch, on TV, people running for different kind of offices trying to persuade voters about their experience, ideas, what would they do and how… and I learn from them. I watch them and it seems to me that their body language, their eyes, their hands... say something different than their mouths.
At the end they get the job they are running for.
I have got the job too.
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