You Are The Grit Within My Shell by John Griffiths

From the critiqued to the critiquer. Sometimes it's hard!(sob).

*

I’m finished - It’s perfect! I’ve checked it all through.
I’m packing it up now to e-mail to you.
I wait with excitement. You’re going to say
“It’s perfect!” But no, I read this with dismay:-

“The plot doesn’t add up, the character’s flawed,
That word wasn’t used then. I got slightly bored.
Could you make it shorter? Then lengthen the end.
Why not change his sex, or just give him a friend?

His motives are suspect. A man of his age
Wouldn’t have done that – It leaps off the page!
Take out a few players; you don’t need them all,
And in the third verse you say ‘rise’ – Why not ‘fall’?

What is the true mood of the man in the punt?
Is he really jealous? Is this just a front?
And it’s not convincing a woman that size
Could squeeze through a window in such a disguise.”

You Bastard! I’m doubting the worth of your case,
But if you insist, I’ll respond with good grace.
Then inside my mask I will weave clever schemes
To defend and reject this attack on my dreams.

I’ll explain the impossible, twisting the plot
And introduce mystery as likely as not.
I’ll pull any trick that I possibly can
To try to retain my original plan.

By God! I won’t change an iota for you!
I’ll work and I’ll strive just to force it all through.
Triumphant, I’ve finished! I don’t quite know how.
Then back comes your e-mail. “That’s much better now!”

© John F Griffiths 2003

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You Are The Grit Within My Shell
by John Griffiths (Age: 62)
copyright 02-15-2003

Age Rating: 13 to 127

Prose-n-Poetry.com

You Are The Grit Within My Shell by John Griffiths (Age: 62) copyright 02-15-2003 Age Rating: 13 to 127

You Are The Grit Within My Shell
by John Griffiths (Age: 62)
copyright 02-15-2003

Age Rating: 13 to 127