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Picture Credits:
Old Zeus ate his wife
naw, not the way you’re thinking, man -
clean up that mind!
Get it straight…
The Earth and the Sky told him to
based upon the latest hot poop from some Oracle dude.
Now, Metis (the wife, dudes and dolls) was this really smart babe
and had one in the oven at the time.
So, anyway, Zeus gets this serious migraine, man
and his son Hephaetus, who’s like this ‘crip blacksmith
Zeus kicked outa the house when he was a kid,
crawls out from under some volcano in Sicily
where he’s been making suits of armor for the Gods on Olympus
with his one-eyed work crew (the Cyclopes or some cats like that)
and he wacks the old man right in the coconut with this bronze axe!
The dude was hurtin’ you know?
But outa the crater in Zeus’ noggin jumps this Xena-looking Amazon chick
in a full suit of armor with a helmet, shield, spear – the whole works!
Big bright eyes and cruising for a fight!
All the Gods up on this mountain are p*ssed, man
because Zeus takes to the girl, she’s special I guess since
she popped out of his head
and she’s like a spoiled Daddy’s girl right off the bat.
The dude’s sister really takes offense and goes out and gets knocked up
and next thing you know she’s spitting out some monster brat named Typhoon, or whatever.
So this Xena look-alike is named Athena and a real wild child.
Daddy gives her this fancy shield made outa goat hair and snakes
which shoots lightning bolts when she rattles it
and she’s really popular with all the street people.
I mean, this chick is super intelligent and invents things like the horse bridle
and a buncha musical instruments like the trumpet and flute and stuff.
And she’s into teaching too, so she shows the guys how to plant crops
and do their math
and the women how to weave rugs and string beads.
She likes a good scrap now and then too
and shows all her homies how to rumble.
I think she became Goddess of War or something heavy…
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